


Broken

by AnaCarlyle



Category: Once Upon A Time - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergent, F/F, Memory potion, swanqueen endgame, this is just drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:28:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26576047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnaCarlyle/pseuds/AnaCarlyle
Summary: Emma finally forgets Regina.Song Lyrics.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 18
Kudos: 75





	1. Dancing on My Own

**Author's Note:**

> My muse forced me to write this. I have no idea where it came from, I usually don’t ask her when it comes to my writing. Enjoy I guess.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dancing on my Own- Callum Scott

_ Somebody said you got a new friend _

_ Does she love you better than I can? _

_ And there's a big black sky over my town _

_ I know where you're at, I bet she's around _

_ And yeah, I know it's stupid _

_ But I just gotta see it for myself _

Emma slumped against the booth at Granny’s, a whiskey sat in front of her, her earbuds in. She has the right to sulk. Watching one of the few people she’s  **loved** falling in love with someone else is painful, a pain she wants to drown in. A pain she wants to drink away. Robin. The name is bitter even in her head. Robin and Regina. Sickly sweet and yet so perfect together. Soulmates. Something she thought hadn’t existed until she met Regina almost seven years ago. Now she was watching her own “soulmate” make eyes at someone who isn’t her. 

_ I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her, oh _

_ I'm right over here, why can't you see me? Oh _

_ And I'm giving it my all _

_ I'm not the guy you're taking home, ooh _

_ I keep dancing on my own, ah _

Love shouldn’t be this painful, right? If you love someone enough you have to let them go. But she can’t, she  **won’t.** She’s loved Regina since that damned woman offered her a glass of the best apple cider she’s ever tasted. She took a sip of her whiskey, trying to burn away the taste of bitter jealousy. He’s got his arm around her shoulder, leaning in to whisper something in Regina’s ear. She flushed uncharacteristically, her eyes dancing with mirth and something else. Something Emma doesn’t dare think of lest she throw herself out of this booth and wipe that smirk from Robin’s face. 

  
  


_ I just wanna dance all night _

_ And I'm all messed up, I'm so out of line, yeah _

_ Stilettos and broken bottles _

_ I'm spinning around in circles _

She has no right to feel this way. Regina has never looked at her the way she’s looking at Robin. Like Robin is Regina’s entire world. Like no one else matters but the two of them. She’s fantasized about Regina many times looking at her like that. With so much love and devotion in her eyes that it physically hurts her heart. Another sip of whiskey, more liquid than the last one. Her music is turned up as she pulls her jacket closer around her. The red one that Regina “detests”. It’s a lie, of course. Before Robin had come along, Regina’s gaze had lingered slightly longer when Emma wore red. And Emma had  **definitely** noticed. But she never did anything about it, and now she was paying the price. 

  
  


_ And I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her, oh _

_ And I'm right over here, why can't you see me? Oh _

_ And I'm giving it my all _

_ But I'm not the guy you're taking home, ooh _

_ I keep dancing on my own _

_ And oh, nah _

A third drink and her mind is fuzzy. Now she wants to cry and scream and throw a fit as she watches Regina lean in to kiss Robin. They mesh so beautifully, she can’t deny it. They’re perfect for each other. Just as Regina would have been perfect with Emma. Each of their sharp edges would have brought out the beauty and softness in each other. How she wished she could be the one kissing Regina, to be the one taking her home to make love to her for hours, to be the one to let her know how loved she was, no, is. But Robin gets the privilege of that, and Emma’s heart shatters a little more. 

_ So far away but still so near _

_ The lights come on, the music dies _

_ But you don't see me standing here _

_ I just came to say goodbye _

Maybe leaving Storybrooke doesn’t sound like such a bad idea now. Five drinks in and she’s lost the will to fight. Now she wants to run far, far away. To never look back and forget everything. But that means sacrificing Henry and her parents and friends. At this point, the pain of losing them is nothing compared to watching Regina drift further and further from her. It’s become too painful as she staggers from the booth, Ruby shooting her a worried glance as she catches her drunk friend and steadies her. “M’fine.” Emma mumbles as she straightens and throws money onto the table before stumbling out the door. The cold air hitting her face makes her realize she had started crying as she walks toward her home. Her huge, empty home. One far too huge and far too empty for her liking. She finally makes it home, fumbling with her keys before remembering her magic as she’s transported to her room. She kicks off her boots and shucks her jacket to the floor, falling backwards in the bed. 

_ I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her, oh _

_ And I'm giving it my all _

_ But I'm not the guy you're taking home, ooh _

_ I keep dancing on my own _

_ And oh, nah _

She comes with Regina’s name on her lips, tears sliding down her temples into her hair as she sobs, the fantasies suddenly seeming too much. Nothing satisfies her anymore, her world is too dark and bleak now. It isn’t very heroic to see the world like this. The Savior is supposed to be full of light and hope, but her heart feels black and shriveled, even if it still pulses with light magic. She turns on her stomach as her sobs become harsher, the sheets cool against her naked flesh. She decides then she’ll leave when she’s sober. That a life without Regina will never be as painful as a life here. She’d done it before, even if just for a year. Even with cursed memories. Maybe that’s exactly what she needs. A curse, or at least a potion that will make her forget Regina. And maybe it would be a repeat of the time her mother forgot her father, but Emma would easily give into the darkness. She missed the sickening smell of dark magic, the pull of it growing stronger every day. Ever since she got her first taste of it in Camelot, she wanted more. She was addicted to the dark magic, but Regina gave her a reason not to give in. Now she was the reason she would. But if she forgot Regina, she’d forget everything else, and she was perfectly okay with that. 

  
  


_ Said, I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her, oh no _

_ And I'm right over here, why can't you see me? Oh no _

_ And I'm giving it my all _

_ But I'm not the guy you're taking home, ooh _

_ I keep dancing on my own _

_ So far away, but still so near _

_ The lights come on, the music dies _

_ But you don't see me standing here _

Almost to the town line, a vial in her hand. She hadn’t said goodbye, she wouldn’t have been able to handle the begging of her parents to stay. And Henry would hate her. But they’d learn to live without her. Henry had a better role model in Robin than he ever did in his own mother. A man who had never given into dark tendencies. The “Now Leaving Storybrooke” sign sat to her left, her Bug parked on the side of the road. The silver liquid begged to be drunk, the darkness calling her name. She refused to believe she was weak. She repeatedly told herself this was the strongest thing she could do. To give Regina her freedom from her longing and painful desire. To respect the older woman’s wish of happiness, and that Emma would hopefully find her own. She got in her Bug, her teeth chattering from the cold night air. It was almost midnight. Exactly seven years ago she had crossed this town line for the first time. And now exactly seven years since, she’d cross it for the last time. She started her car, closing her eyes for a moment as she uncorked the vial, tipping it back as the silver liquid slid down the back of her throat, punching the gas. 

She was Emma Swan again. Emma Swan with no family, no son, and no Regina. 


	2. Don’t Go Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don’t Go Away- Buckcherry

_ In my darkest state of mind _

_ I am riddled with despair _

_ When I try and close my eyes _

_ Your voice is all I hear _

_ I will think of you tonight _

_ I will hold back all my tears _

_ I've waited all these years _

  
  


Gone. Emma was gone. She hadn’t even said goodbye. Regina cursed Rumplestiltskin as she shattered yet another glass against her kitchen wall, sobs wracking her body. He had told her of the potion, that she was never coming back. The last seven years never existed to her. That she would never remember Regina ever again, lost in a world without magic. She picked up another glass, throwing it against the wall. The shards of glass that littered the floor were nothing compared to the shards of her heart that had been broken. 

_ Please don't go away _

_ You're making a mistake _

_ You and I were meant to be _

_ You opened up my eyes _

_ And made me realize _

_ Now its changing everything _

It took another five glasses before she admitted to herself she was in love with Emma. Why her leaving had affected her so much, why her heart lay in pieces. She loved Robin, but he was nothing compared to Emma.  _ Emma.  _ Her name set off another wave of nausea in Regina, her knees buckling as she crumpled to the floor, tears no longer leaking from her eyes. She had cried all she could, now she was on the cold floor unable to breathe. Glass cut through her pants, littering her knees with fresh cuts, but they didn’t bother her. Anyone from the outside would think she was being dramatic, but the only light magic in her life was gone. 

_ It's crazy how I feel this way _

_ I can't explain don't go away _

_ I see your shadow all the time _

_ I see your face inside my mirror _

_ Like a sunset in the sky _

_ You distract me from my fears _

_ I keep holding it inside _

_ And I wish that you were near _

_ It's better when You're here _

At some point, Robin had gathered her in his arms, but she was far gone. Her eyes were glazed over as she only saw Emma’s face. Those big beautiful eyes and blinding smile. She realized she hadn’t seen life in her eyes since Robin had arrived and had stolen a piece of Regina, her heart clenching painfully in her chest. She heard Robin say something, but her mind couldn’t process as he carried her up the stairs and into the bathroom, carefully stripping her of her pants and shirt, lowering her into the tub still half clothed. The water turned pink with the blood seeping from her legs as he carefully picked the glass from her legs. But Regina still only saw Emma, her body growing weaker by the second. She knew she would be okay, but allowing herself to drown in her pain was her only solace as gentle hands cleaned her up and brought her to bed. 

_ Please don't go away _

_ You're making a mistake _

_ You and I were meant to be _

_ You opened up my eyes _

_ And made me realize _

_ Now its changing everything _

_ It's crazy how I feel this way _

_ I can't explain don't go away _

She didn’t leave her bed for three days, staring at the ceiling the entire time. Robin had given up trying to talk to her after the first day, giving her space to grieve Emma. She knew she was acting weak, but the painful squeeze in her chest wouldn’t allow her to be strong. She spent three days replaying the memories she had of them. Emma’s lingering glances, Emma’s melodic laughs as they became friends, the way Emma’s eyes would sparkle when Regina praised her magic. She had been so blind to it all, but now that the blonde was gone, Regina realized how much she had missed. She wanted to go and find Emma, make her remember who she was. Who  _ she  _ was. The Savior who was in love with The Evil Queen. 

_ All the things you said _

_ And all the games we played _

_ Will come back to you _

_ See the look in your eyes _

_ Oh, don't go away _

_ Please don't go away _

_ You're making a mistake _

_ You and I were meant to be _

Regina drove with determination in her eyes. She had used a locator spell to track down Emma, and of course the woman was in Boston. She felt her foot press harder on the gas, her Mercedes speeding up further. She had come to realize the only way to heal both of them was to find Emma while in her haze, and Emma be damned if she didn’t want to see her. Regina cursed loudly into her car, slamming a hand into the steering wheel. Her grief had turned into anger. Angry that the blonde didn’t come talk to her, just let herself slip slowly toward the darkness within her heart. Angry that Emma didn’t even bother to say goodbye to Henry, who was almost as irate as Regina. Angry at Robin for fighting with her. He had accused her of loving Emma more than him, and although it was true, Regina had scoffed and told him he was insecure. They had exchanged more heated words before Robin declared he was moving out. The heartbreak didn’t come for Regina over Robin leaving, instead felt like a weight lifted from her shoulders. She felt only slightly guilty for that fact, but her determination to find Emma lit a fire under her that no one could put out. 

_ Please don't go away _

_ You're making a mistake _

_ You and I were meant to be _

_ You opened up my eyes _

_ And made me realize _

_ Now its changing everything _

_ It's crazy how I feel this way _

_ I can't explain why I feel this way _

_ It's hard to say _

_ I want to make you see _

_ What you mean to me _

_ Don't go away _

Emma’s apartment complex loomed above Regina, her throat suddenly constricting. She gripped the small vial in her coat pocket, another potion to help Emma remember. She was worried that Emma wouldn’t want to remember. Worried that the heartbreak would have been too much for her, and that her Emma would be gone. She took a deep breath as she rang the intercom for Emma’s apartment. A brief conversation ensued, Regina lying about having a package to deliver to her. As she ascended the stairs, her heart beating wildly in her chest, the three story climb suddenly seemed to last hours. When she got to Emma’s door, she hesitated before knocking. She almost cried in relief when Emma answered the door. 

“Hi.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t plan on writing this chapter, but people wanted it. I know it was incredibly OOC but the whole thing was.


	3. Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Words- Skylar Grey

_ Always in a rush _

_ Never stay on the phone  _

_ Long enough _

_ Why am I so self important? _

_ Said I'd see you soon _

_ But that was, oh,  _

_ Maybe a year ago _

_ Didn't know time _

_ Was of the essence _

It had taken two weeks for the two of them to run into each other. Regina managed to get an apartment on the same floor as Emma, introducing herself as her new neighbor. The vial with a potion to remember was in her dresser drawer. She knew Emma had to drink it willingly, but Regina came with no plan. She was kicking herself for that now, the pain of seeing Emma in fleeting glances with a sinking feeling of never seeing  **her** Emma again almost too much to bear. They had smiled politely at each other before Regina bit the inside of her cheek, asking Emma if she’d like to get a drink sometime. She had stripped herself of her usual outfits, going for a more laid back look. Black skinny jeans and a graphic tee more often than not. It seemed Emma had appreciated it, her eyes lingering up and down Regina’s body when they did see each other. 

_ So many questions _

_ But I'm talking to myself _

_ I know that you can't hear me _

_ Anymore, not anymore _

_ So much to tell you _

_ And most of all goodbye _

_ But I know that you can't hear me _

_ Anymore _

Neither of them had meant for it to happen, but as they grew closer, old and literally forgotten feelings had risen to the surface. It had scared Emma so badly she had almost called it off, but after a particularly heavy night of drinking together that led to a very steamy make out session on Regina’s couch had pushed those thoughts to the side. She had been slightly offended when Regina had stopped her from tasting more of her skin, but the older woman had distracted her with the scrape of nails and clash of teeth. It was heavenly, and there was no reason to not enjoy what they had for now. 

_ It's so loud inside my head _

_ With words that I _

_ Should have said _

_ And as I drown in my regrets _

_ I can't take back _

_ The words I never said _

They had started dating after the first three dates. Regina had come up with a plan of how to try to convince Emma to take the potion, but it had flaws. She had left her phone open a few times, Henry frantically texting for updates every day. She had explained to Emma that she had a son who was staying with her family while she was here for work. It wasn’t a total lie, she was here to work on getting Emma back home. The first time they had sex, Regina had cried softly into the pillow long after Emma had fallen asleep. She was still Emma, but she wasn’t her Emma. The strong woman who had literally gone to Hell and back, fought monsters and villains was gone. But the fiery blonde that stormed into her town and turned her life upside down was still there. 

_ Always talkin shit _

_ Took your advice _

_ And did the opposite _

_ Just being young and stupid _

_ Oh _

_ I haven't been all that you _

_ Could have hoped for _

_ But I you held on  _

_ A little longer _

_ You'd have had more reasons _

_ To be proud _

_ Oh _

Emma had fallen in love with the mysterious brunette who refused to share anything about herself. She had never meant to, but the way the brunette looked at her with utter devotion had her pushing the second guessing aside. She often laid awake at night trying to make sense of the dreams she was having. Dreams of Regina, but younger. A huge white a house. A town she had never been to. On more than one occasion she had woken up, expecting to be back in that small town. She had asked Regina one day where she was from, and her face had gone pale when she had told her. It was the same place from her dreams. Nothing felt real anymore. 

  
  


_ So many questions  _

_ But I'm talking to myself _

_ I know that you can't hear me  _

_ Anymore, not anymore _

_ So much to tell you _

_ And most of all goodbye _

_ But I know that you can't hear me _

_ Anymore _

Cracks in her memories were a sign, or so Regina had hoped. Emma had withdrawn after she realized Storybrooke was a real place. Regina’s plan had backfired, slowly introducing Emma to Storybrooke was overwhelming her. She had wanted to do it with ease, but the cracks in memories were pushing her faster than she wanted. She wanted to believe magic had done this. Some sort of True Love’s Magic. Magic so powerful it would work in the Land Without Magic. But they had kissed so many times Regina had given up on True Love’s Kiss. It had startled both of them when Emma had said “our son” when Regina got off the phone with Henry one night, but the blonde claimed it was a slip up just because she loved the both of them, but neither of them believed it. It was a night after heavy love making that Regina finally pulled the potion bottle from her drawer, fiddling with it as Emma stared at her. The words came naturally to her as she explained magic to Emma, and how her memories had been wiped. The blonde had fought the idea until they pieced the memories Emma was having together, an undeniable truth. With Regina staring into her soul, she knocked back the potion. There was no bright flash of light, no shimmer, nothing to reveal that it had worked. Until Emma looked up at Regina with those haunted eyes again, and everything seemed to fall into place. 

_ It's so loud inside my head _

_ With words that I _

_ Should have said _

_ And as I drown in my regrets _

_ I can't take back _

_ The words I never said _

Her world turned upside down as soon as she drank the potion. The flashes of memories suddenly burst forth as a life lived. Emma closed her eyes as they flooded her brain. Memories of coming to Storybrooke her first night. Memories of Henry and Regina and Hook and Robin. Her face had twisted as the pain of losing Regina came rushing back to her before her eyes snapped up to Regina’s. She had come for Emma. She had left her soulmate for Emma. Relieved tears as flooded her eyes as she leapt forward to pull Regina into a bruising kiss, sobs coming from both of their bodies as words of love were exchanged and clothes were torn off. Her mayor was back, and she was sherif again. Everything was back to where it was. 

_ The longer I stand here _

_ The louder the silence _

_ I know that your gone _

_ But sometimes I swear  _

_ That I hear _

_ Your voice when the wind blows _

_ So I talk to the shadows _

_ Hoping you might be listening  _

_ 'Cause I want you to know _

Things were different now. Emma looked at Regina differently. But it wasn’t a terrible thing. They had driven back to Storybrooke the next day, deciding to keep things quiet for a while as everyone got used to their savior being back. Henry had been mad at Emma, furious even. It had taken him time to actually warm up to the fact that she was back, but after he had caught Emma and Regina kissing and laughing together in the kitchen after sneaking down the stairs, he had warmed up immediately. The rest of the town took a while to come to grips with their relationship, but Snow had been elated. She had chastised the two of them for it taking so long. Hook and Robin had been less forgiving. But neither woman cared as they quickly embraced their now real relationship. Years of pining finally paid off as they started building their life together. 

_ It's so loud inside my head _

_ With words that I _

_ Should have said _

_ And as I drown in my regrets _

_ I can't take back _

_ The words I never said _

The years passed, villains came and went. Curses tore them apart and brought them back together countless times. But they remained strong. They became the new Snow White and Prince Charming, a tale for the ages. A beautiful family was built up. A baby sister for Henry who had beautiful blonde hair and big brown eyes. A perfect mix of the two women. She took after both of her mothers, just as Henry had. Their love never wavered for each other, growing stronger with each twist life had thrown at them. Graying hairs and sagging skin never deterred each other from spending as much time showing their love to each other as they could. 

Regina died first. Emma following not far behind. Their impact in the world was tangible even to those who knew nothing of magic. It grew in the fresh breeze that swept through in the spring. In the blossoms on apple trees and the water of springs that sustained life. Nothing would ever compare to the love of two women never meant to be together but defied odds and came out stronger than anyone had ever seen. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that’s the end. I know people were begging for a happy ending. I hope I delivered. Don’t forget comments/kudos. I appreciate you all!


End file.
